We love our families but sometimes the holiday season can bring out the worst in people. For some families, the holiday season brings laughter and cheer; for others it’s a season of anger and stress. Regardless of where your family dynamics lie, the stress and implications of family gatherings can be a challenge. We hope that these tips will bring more laughter and joy to your family this holiday season.
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Strategies to Conquer Family Dynamics This Holiday Season
Communicate Expectations in Advance
Many family arguments can be avoided if expectations are communicated ahead of time. From new relationships, finances, politics, and career choices, here are some instances where communication goes a long way:
New Relationship
For those who just started dating someone in the past year and are soon approaching the first holiday season as a couple, it can be difficult to determine where you are spending the holidays (especially if your families are far apart). Before talking to any family members, talk to your significant other first and what your individual expectations are. Once you’ve discussed it, you can create a realistic game plan on how you will conquer the holidays this year and the years ahead.
Careers, Goals, and Other Life Plans
Extended family members who do not see you often may be curious about your career, relationship, political beliefs, and other life plans, but the holiday dinner is not exactly the time and place to ask. These topics may be sensitive for you and can result in arguments and high emotions. Whether you just went through a break-up, lost your job, or struggle with infertility, setting clear boundaries will make the conversations easier. If you are comfortable answering these questions, then go ahead, but if not, try pulling that family member aside to explain.
Finances and Gifts
The holiday season can be expensive and, depending on your family dynamics, finances and gift buying habits can vary. For some family members, big-ticket items are not a big deal and for others going out of their financial budget may lead to debt. By reaching out to other family members to set clear expectations on spending limits, you will have a clearer picture of what is expected of you. You could also relieve some financial stress by planning your gift shopping in advance instead of waiting until the month of to begin.
Remember Your Why
While you may be dreading some interactions with family members, it is important to remember the reason you’re attending the gathering in the first place. Are your kids meeting a relative for the first time? Are you going because you think you have to? Do you genuinely love being with your relatives? Before hopping in the car to make the drive, clarify why you’re going in the first place. While some family dynamics make the holiday season a breeze, do a reality check and remember the highs and lows so that when things go sideways, you can always go back to your why behind it all.
Don’t Control Everything
While it may be tempting to try to control every aspect of the holiday season, it isn’t possible. You only have control of your personal thoughts and actions. That’s it. You cannot control the way your cousin still makes fun of you for something you did as a kid and you certainly can’t control your mom’s passive-aggressive comments. You only have control of your personal thoughts, actions, kindness, and boundaries. By accepting that you cannot control everyone else and taking ownership of what you’re in charge of, you’ll immediately reduce your stress.
Increase Self-Care
As joyous as the holiday season is, it is also a period of high stress and emotions for many. While it may seem impossible to slow down and take time for yourself, it is essential to ensure that you do not become overwhelmed. We encourage you to take time between family events to recharge so that you will be ready for the next one.
Prioritize Connection This Holiday Season
Whether your family is loud and chaotic or stoic and boring, the holiday season should be full of smiles and cheer. A joyous family gathering does not happen without prioritizing connection and genuine relationships. We hope these tips will make navigating your family dynamics easier this holiday season.
